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JOKE OF THE WEEK The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

UNITED STATES / APR 17, 2015 4:06 PM EST

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Buming and Slonder America, in conjunction with Apple Computers of Cupertino, California, jointly present the new iShaft. The iShaft is a great anaI sex simulator created especially for the ladies who haven't found their Knight in Shining Armour. Cumming to a sex shop near you May 2015, or you can order at: Buming and Slonder America, 350 Rhode Island St. Suite 269, San Francisco, California, USA.

UNITED STATES / APR 14, 2015 5:14 PM EST

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My wife has imposed a “bedtime” w/ the strangest punishment. She says I spend too much time on the computer. She says that if I'm not in bed before midnight, then we don’t have sex. The kicker? She starts w/o me and if I’m a minute late. I’m not “allowed” to touch her as she masterbates. She says “I’m cumming with or without you. If you wanna join you need to be on time.” I feel like this is blackmail and want to refuse on principle. I have been ignoring her for computer games. What do I do?

UNITED STATES / APR 14, 2015 5:07 PM EST

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Will we have yotillion byte (10^24*3+3 byte(Ybyte)) computers before the eschaton or will they be the cause of it?

UNITED KINGDOM / MAR 22, 2015 12:47 PM EST

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Why do I feel dizzy if I raise my computer chair

UNITED STATES / MAR 21, 2015 10:17 PM EST

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Do you still use a computer or just your phone?

UNITED STATES / MAR 18, 2015 9:00 PM EST

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The hits on JC are so low that the government would be wasting it's time spying on here, unless it's a drop off point for a secret message. Using the computers of the world as individual memory bit transmitters. Welcome to the world of entropy.

UNITED STATES / MAR 14, 2015 5:33 AM EST

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MY NAME IS DIKEMBE OKONKWO AND I AM THE HEIR TO THE LIBERIAN THRONE. I AM CONTACTING YOU ABOUT AN URGENT BUSINESS TRANSACTION. I CURRENTLY HAVE $1000000 US DOLLARS RESIDING IN THE PALACE BUT I CANNOT GET IT WITHOUT COMPUTERS. IF YOU SEND ME YOUR COMPUTERS I AM PREPARED TO GIVE YOU 20% PERCENT OF MY FORTUNE ONCE I ATTAIN IT.

UNITED STATES / MAR 13, 2015 4:26 PM EST

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These computers are amazing. Do you work here? Can I borrow your internet?

UNITED STATES / MAR 9, 2015 3:55 PM EST

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Lesson #1:Youi see, when you are on the computer it goes on here when you type. It's like a typewriter. Because you use trhe internet it is on here. I am qualified to know thisd.

UNITED STATES / MAR 9, 2015 5:08 AM EST

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What is better: OK Computer or Kid A

UNITED STATES / MAR 4, 2015 11:38 PM EST

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I'm European (as in actually from Europe) and what you just said makes me want to jump through your god damn computer screen and beat the shìt out of you, I swear on my fuсking mother.

UNITED STATES / MAR 4, 2015 4:43 PM EST

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I'm really nervous about my online friend (yes, she's real. I promise). She has a problem with getting sick very easily, at a clinic trying to help her... with little to no access to a computer for a few days. I'm terrified that she may have something serious like cancer or something. I've been praying for her, but I honestly think that I'm more scared than she is. I don't want her to go through more than she already has, and more than anything I don't want to lose her.

UNITED STATES / MAR 2, 2015 8:50 PM EST

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What would you do if you walk past some random strangers computer screen and see a GP/JC screen up?

UNITED STATES / FEB 26, 2015 11:48 AM EST

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Do you know how to figure out the sales tax without using a computer?

UNITED STATES / FEB 26, 2015 11:47 AM EST

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abIe action afraid age ago agree america american americans animal annoying answer answering answers anymore ask asked asking ass average baby back bad balls band beat beautiful bed beer believe best better big biggest bill bit bitch black blow blue body boobs book bored boy boyfriend boys break bring british bush butt buy call called canada canadian canadians car care cat cats cause chance change cheese chicken child children chocolate city color come comes coming computer cool

UNITED STATES / FEB 25, 2015 1:54 AM EST

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If Europe is so great, then how come no one is using Nokias anymore? What about those BBC Micros? And I keep hearing about this "201x is the year of Linux" joke going around. Jealous that a "towel head desert dwelling terrorist" immigrated LEGALLY to America, and started one of the most successful computer companies ever? I'd rater use an iPhone over a heavy Nokia block anyday.

UNITED STATES / FEB 19, 2015 4:41 PM EST

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How long does it take for your computer to warm up?

UNITED STATES / FEB 14, 2015 2:42 PM EST

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Can you upgrade my computer?

UNITED STATES / FEB 12, 2015 7:24 PM EST

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All you know is that there's only at least two people on here. Unless the solipsist is talking to himself. Is that a computer at the other end? Am I alone?

UNITED STATES / FEB 2, 2015 8:41 AM EST

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