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So predictable. I read half of this question and knew the rest. I can't be arsed to answer it.

UNITED STATES / MAY 8, 2016 10:12 PM EST

in response to: This question is for straight guys, if a gay guy would offer you a blow job promising he would never tell anybody because he isin the closet what would you do?
Does she keep calling you Duckie and Poohead? If so, on behalf of my entire country I extend apologies. Clearly one of our inefficient government employees allowed her to escape. Your best bet at this point is to guide her towards the gate labeled Pyongyang. Again, my sincerest apologies.

UNITED STATES / MAY 2, 2016 3:21 PM EST

in response to: Help. i am a Korean official at a check in desk at airport. This fat ass lady keeps trying to get through the gates but she won't fit is none cooperative and keeps smoking in any area. When i ask her to declare she said she was a troll on an obscure website. now she won't shutup. Where did she come from? How do i get rid of her?
Hey JC! Congrats " UNITED STATES / APR 23, 2016 12:18 PM EST" This is the Contest Manager of the #UncleMelvinStories Contest. I apologize on behalf of my employee for his poor behavior. Please accept my apologies. I have looked at your response on our previous Congratulations to you. We are not completely clear what "Tuco" means, if you could clarify that would be great. We will be adding an extra $100 to your prize because of our poor behavior.

UNITED STATES / APR 28, 2016 11:38 AM EST

in response to: Hey JC! Thank you for entering #UncleMelvinStories Contest and getting them read by #TheRealUncleMelvin! Congratulations to "UNITED STATES / APR 23, 2016 12:18 PM EST" You have not claimed your prize of $100 yet! Please comment with your Name, Contest Entry, and how you would like to contact me (ex. Phone, Email, etc.) I will then provide you further information on how to contact me!
Half of second

UNITED STATES / APR 28, 2016 9:21 AM EST

in response to: How much would you be willing to shorten your life in exchange for a million dollars?
Without her this place isn't half bad.

UNITED STATES / APR 26, 2016 11:12 AM EST

in response to: The one that leaves forever, is back.
This is fatman we are having cake soon half an hour. its important. Cake. Cake. Cake.

UNITED STATES / APR 4, 2016 9:49 PM EST

in response to: Die fatman die
This is fatman we are having cake soon half an hour. its important. Cake. Cake. Cake.

UNITED STATES / APR 4, 2016 9:48 PM EST

in response to: Die fatman die
This is fatman we are having cake soon half an hour.

UNITED STATES / APR 4, 2016 9:47 PM EST

in response to: Die fatman die
I'll do it for half price.

UNITED STATES / APR 3, 2016 11:01 PM EST

in response to: I'm thinking of getting a breast reduction, do you know if the procedure is expensive?
I think I'll have a nap. 😔 Play w my nonfat fake bf... Maybe I'll pull his chain a lil... Maybe not. Maybe I'll just leave him all to his lonesome self... Who knows. Depends on how I feel... It's likely I'll just doze off for a half hour or so... Still thinking about the Philippines. Don't really know if I truly wanna go! 😝

UNITED STATES / MAR 31, 2016 7:32 PM EST

in response to: Dorklongs, am mad at you moos. 😤😫
Oh I dunno, not like half of the products you use today were "Made in China" or anything...

UNITED STATES / MAR 30, 2016 5:48 PM EST

in response to: China, China, China...did they invent something other than Cinese Checkers and Chinese jump rope?
I already run half an hour a day and cycle at least an hour a day, and i do horseriding an hour a day, do i need to excersice more?

UNITED STATES / MAR 26, 2016 4:53 AM EST

in response to: I've been skipping meals to lose weight, most of the time I only eat dinner but when I try to be a little healthier and have breakfast or something, I gain weight verry fast. Anyone who knows what I can do about it?
I live with a sister. The other 2 girls live in another state, the boy is studying abroad nd because we're half siblings and they're a lot older than I am, we don't get too many chances to conect. But we see each other sometimes. They're really cool to be around, and do very well in life. Two of them have a phd (in math and political science) and that doesn't begin to explain how fcking fantastic they turned out to be specially considering the circumstaces they were raised in

UNITED STATES / MAR 19, 2016 2:21 PM EST

in response to: Are you still in touch with your siblings?
It means you have half a brain.

UNITED STATES / MAR 13, 2016 5:19 PM EST

in response to: Ohhhhh! Och!
Half Mexican/half German? Then you must name him Jorge Von Humboldt.

UNITED STATES / MAR 12, 2016 11:15 PM EST

in response to: My puppy is half wiener dog and Chihuahua and the other half is German Shepherd. It's a boy. What. Is a good name?
Yet another profound question, to be sure. This may shape up to be a halfway decent Monday on JC.

UNITED STATES / MAR 7, 2016 8:48 AM EST

in response to: Hiromasa Yonebayashi's animated film "When Marnie Was There" lost the Oscar award for best animated feature to Pixar's "Inside Out". Why aren't any Asians complaining about how racist the Oscars are?
I finished writing my paper in less than a half hour.... It took more time to type it! Yup!

UNITED STATES / FEB 16, 2016 8:40 PM EST

in response to: Oh! I gotta go... Gotta study! Tootles!
If it collapsed on Hillary and Bernie then I'd say fine. There are a lot more good conservatives out there and it is hard for the dems to just find something that looks half human.

UNITED STATES / FEB 15, 2016 10:23 PM EST

in response to: What would you call it if the stage for the next RNC debate collapsed and killed all the participants?
No more than his last half a dozen predecessors.

UNITED STATES / FEB 9, 2016 6:12 PM EST

in response to: How many international laws is Donald Trump going to violate once he becomes the President?
Say half-martian.

UNITED STATES / JAN 28, 2016 10:22 PM EST

in response to: I look white but am actually half Sri Lankan. I don't identify as anything though. What should I say when people ask?
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