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A policeman grabbed me in the park today just as I was heading into the kindergarten. 'Where do you think you're going?' he asked. I replied, 'I'll have you know I identify as someone who has every right to enter this school!' He looked me up and down and said, 'Is that so? Well what do you "identify" as, then?' I replied, 'A sadististic pedophila rapist.'

UNITED STATES / DEC 11, 2019 12:30 PM EST

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Well done, you are today's fuсking shіt eating NlGGER CUNT!

UNITED STATES / DEC 11, 2019 9:43 AM EST

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Little Donnie Johnnie sure is shіtting his diaper today.

UNITED STATES / DEC 10, 2019 10:19 AM EST

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Landlady called me earlier today ... It sounds like the tenants below me heard screaming after midnight from above (me). The problem is that I wasn't screaming. I was simply swearing and cursing at an above average level. What are my options here?

UNITED STATES / DEC 10, 2019 3:59 AM EST

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Hello! Hola.. 🥰 Shopping for the apartment: done, plenty of paper products, tp and paper towels, Kleenex, dish detergent.. etc. Grocery shopping .. ✅ done! Dinner: roasted chicken in the oven, lentil soup simmering on stove. Later I’ll do make the vegetables.. Pupper: All Clean From a Bath!! Yaaaaay!! Gosh, so happy to get that out of the way. Whew.. And you?? How are you?? What’d ya do today so far?? 🤗


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Who's buying lunch today?

UNITED STATES / DEC 4, 2019 10:30 AM EST

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Panda! I hope you're having a very calm day today.

UNITED STATES / DEC 3, 2019 10:14 PM EST

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Hey coward Uniballer what are you avoiding today. work? Hahahahahaha!


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I think my dick gets released from its chastity device today. Should I wank right away or wait a while?


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The Michigan vs Ohio State football contest is today. Who do you think will win?

UNITED STATES / NOV 30, 2019 11:42 AM EST

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Anyswaaaay, moot! Moot!! Is there anything better than Tropicana red grapefruit juice in the morning? Love it! Annnnd gonna buy a Sprite today. Equally gorgeous in a completely different way..

UNITED STATES / NOV 30, 2019 6:13 AM EST

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Today was my first week of being done with this app for my birthday dinner and it was great fun to try it out and get to know what I gotta was the way to go figure it was for me and my mom was there so we had dinner

UNITED STATES / NOV 21, 2019 8:22 PM EST

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Did I already tell you today that Trump is an asshole? No? Okay, then I'm gonna tell you now. Trump is an asshole.

UNITED STATES / NOV 19, 2019 2:11 PM EST

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Should we categorise Trump's tweetstorm today as 'worried', 'panicked' or 'soiled pants'?

UNITED STATES / NOV 17, 2019 3:07 PM EST

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Are you reading that new book “Shaftology: The Authorized Bent Shaft Biography” that came out today?

UNITED STATES / NOV 16, 2019 7:42 PM EST

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Disney announce immediate remake of CNN Breaking News today with Steven the seagul playing Ambassador Yovanovitch

UNITED STATES / NOV 15, 2019 1:20 PM EST

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Every trumper one year from today will deny they ever voted for trump! They will all be saying “Trump WHO??”

UNITED STATES / NOV 14, 2019 9:54 PM EST

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Anyswaaaay, moot moot!! Gotta get ready fer the day!! Wyd today?? Do you work?

UNITED STATES / NOV 13, 2019 11:25 AM EST

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Ok so I’m not sure 🤔 was ever going back is the best way for us today to come to see if you can make the best one thing that would make it a great 👍 sure way

UNITED STATES / NOV 13, 2019 7:29 AM EST

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Today is great. Spectum parade day right past my home and about 50 old spectums just went by and the newest one was probably 50 years old. Every one in like new condition. After they went by a pleasant surprise was an older spectum and the same with them. Beautiful condition and zipping right along.

UNITED STATES / NOV 10, 2019 7:22 PM EST

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