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I’ll sit at the other desk in the bedroom... you can JC and or GP, or both, watch tv annnd vegg out.. I’ll drink my water and Sencha soo’s to get nice and plump. Salad for dinner later w left over roast turkey breast I don’t wanna junk and waste. Then, when I’m finished filling out this FAFSA, opening mail (physical) and paying a bill or two, I’ll...

UNITED STATES / APR 11, 2018 6:10 PM EST

Nixon cried like Trump during Watergate. His supporters blamed Dems and Liberal media. He denied everything right up to the point it was clear he'd be impeached. I've seen this movie before, and its pretty clear how it ends.

UNITED STATES / APR 10, 2018 5:12 PM EST

just cleaned out a roaster of beef stew that had completely molded over. green, white, pink, and brown/gray mold. when I started running water over it a thick cloud of spores rose up into my kitchen and over my body. I was wearing a drugstore dust mask. how f*cked am I?

UNITED STATES / MAR 29, 2018 9:27 PM EST

Donald Trump has the IQ of a rotting watermelon on a hot day .

UNITED STATES / MAR 21, 2018 11:51 AM EST

My tap tastes like lead and there's plastic in my bottled water. Should I just lay down and die already?

UNITED STATES / MAR 18, 2018 12:22 PM EST

Homemade Lemonade: 1 cup fresh lemon juice, 1 cup sugar, 1 cup urine. 7 cups water. Small saucepan, dissolve 1 cup sugar into 1 cup cold water. Bring to a boil. Gorgeous stuff. Next, I filled a pitcher w 6 cups cold water. Cool and enjoy!! ........ Soh ( ID-263 ) UNITED STATES/Feb 07, 2018 11:17 AM

UNITED STATES / MAR 7, 2018 12:21 PM EST

Are you supposed to fill the tub with water before you slit your wrists or just sit in the empty tub to contain the mess

UNITED STATES / MAR 4, 2018 2:32 PM EST

Everything that comes out of President Pussygrabber’s shìthole mouth is a lie. If Tangerine Mean says “water is wet”, then he is simply telling a lie that just happens to agree with the truth, that’s how much of a liar this sewer mouth is.

UNITED STATES / FEB 18, 2018 11:07 PM EST

Me cheeks are so red.. I need more water.. wyd?? ☺️

UNITED STATES / FEB 18, 2018 5:45 PM EST

How many watermelons can you shove up your ass?

UNITED STATES / FEB 14, 2018 6:53 PM EST

I’m about as anti-Trump as anyone here who has a brain, but I still can’t admit that “Trump is dumber than a watermelon” was funny. It was kinda lame to be honest. “Trump is dumber than an Autistic”, now THAT’S funny!

UNITED STATES / FEB 13, 2018 5:53 PM EST

Donald Trump is dumber than a watermelon. Haha now that's funny. 😂

UNITED STATES / FEB 6, 2018 7:30 PM EST

I melted a water bottle on my dick. Help?

UNITED STATES / JAN 31, 2018 11:18 PM EST

I would also drink my cat's bath water

UNITED STATES / JAN 23, 2018 3:09 PM EST

The scam goes like this. The operator buys pickled oyster shells from a wholesaler in the UK or America or direct from china. They are vacuum packed and dead. The poor things have had a random freshwater pearl shoved into them. The process is that the pearl is inserted into a live young akoya oyster shell which opens as it dies. The corpse is then dumped into a chemical bath which shrinks the adductor muscle so it slowly closes, and preserves it. Then it is vacuum packed or tinned.

UNITED STATES / JAN 22, 2018 6:45 PM EST

Hey, fatty... yes, you! You moo! Yes, water is the eternal fountain of life... one ☝️ must be throughly hydrated 🧚🏻‍♀️ at all given times if possible.. it plumps the skin, add shine to hair and nails...💦 annnd makes sure all your innards are working properly. Cause you don’t want yer innards not to be working properly.. ☺️

UNITED STATES / JAN 22, 2018 11:42 AM EST

I have to drink all this water before I’m allowed in bed..

UNITED STATES / JAN 21, 2018 10:35 PM EST

I need to pee but I really really need to pee. Should I take the trip to the first floor or should I pee inside my empty water bottle?

UNITED STATES / JAN 20, 2018 6:37 PM EST

Maybe I’ll make pancakes! That’s nice! I don’t have the instant just add water to the Aunt Jemima pancake mix... but the one that you add eggs and other things to it. but there’s no bacon.. How can one have pancakes w out bacon?! I may have to venture out into the blizzard... either that or it’s steel cut oatmeal..

UNITED STATES / JAN 4, 2018 10:10 AM EST

Sexiest scandals of 2017? (Trump's WaterSpotsGate scandal does not count.)

UNITED STATES / DEC 31, 2017 9:37 PM EST

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